1. The Supreme Court vacancy. If Obama is really after diversity, he’ll hire a WASP.
2. “Glee” returns. A grateful nation demands more scenes of Jane Lynch in a cone bra.
3. Charlie Sheen is considering leaving “Two and a Half Men.” Charlie Sheen + lots of downtime = Code Orange.
4. Forbes says Glenn Beck makes $2 million yearly from TV and $13 million from publishing. Who said literature was a dying medium?
5. More staff-groping stories from the former congressman Eric Massa, who has said, “I’m a salty old sailor.” Brings new meaning to the phrase, “a pinch of salt.”
6. The atheists Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens call for the pope to be arrested for crimes against humanity. Godtcha.
7. Our troops are blasting Metallica and Thin Lizzy to try to drive the Taliban out of suspected strongholds. They’d get faster results with a Céline Dion CD that skips.
8. Chocolate bacon funnel cake is now on the menu at Knott’s Berry Farm. America: unafraid.
9. Discovery Communications agrees to pay Sarah Palin $1.2 million per episode to host the TV series “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” Episodes to include “Aerial Wolf Hunt” and “Drill, Baby, Drill.”
10. According to Kitty Kelley’s new book, Oprah once said, “Oprah does not do stairs.” My new mantra.
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Well, sure u gonna make big bucks in the future, when u have. buy me a house and sponsor my plane ticket so we can live next to each other. lol
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